Finding Harmony Read online

Surprisingly, the weeks passed much like any other. There were no disconcerting visits from Miranda and there were no signs to suggest that Trey and Freddy actually inhabited the apartment down the hall, I certainly never saw or heard anyone coming or going (not that I was keeping tabs on them or anything). Things around here had been distinctly quiet.

  I was beginning to think I’d imagined the whole thing.

  Whilst it was hard not to think about what had happened that night at the club, I tried not to dwell on it. I was just getting myself back up on my own two feet again and the last thing I needed was to get involved with my troubled ex-boyfriend.

  Even so, it was hard not to feel concerned for Trey’s well being. He didn’t look like he was, mentally, in a very good place at all. I thought I’d been through just about every emotion possible with Trey, seen him at his best and at his worst. But I’d never seen him like this and that’s why his bizarre behavior was so worrying. We both seemed to be lacking something in our lives, this emptiness we tried to fill with something else.

  Nevertheless, I was a few chess pieces short of the full set and I had to be a little selfish and think about what was best for me. Right now, that meant keeping out of Trey’s life and his affairs and making sure he kept out of mine. I figured that, in the long run, it would be better for everybody if Trey and I kept a safe distance from one another.

  With that decided upon I spent a lot of time at Leo’s place which was only around two blocks away. He got to spend more time with me and I got to escape the weird wonderland that was my new home.

  It was a win win situation.

  He let me listen to some new material he’d been working on in his makeshift home studio.

  I had to hand it to him, the guy had talent.

  Making new friends here happened a lot quicker than I had expected. New Yorkers, once you got past the first few gritty minutes of conversation, were surprisingly pleasant people. It started with a guy named Mikey who I met in a quaint little coffee shop and from there I broke in to his established social network.

  He works for a fashion magazine and updates me on all the juicy gossip taking place in the office and in the fashion Industry.

  I love it. He’s the gay best friend I never had.

  He introduced me to a few girls from the social scene, models, artists, journalists and people from just about every other sector of the creative industry.

  They’re an eccentric bunch and it’s great to finally hang out with and talk to people other than Leo and his friends.

  It was beginning to feel like home here.

  It was safe to say that life in New York, no, life in general was starting to look up.

  Something had to give. Life was never this rosy.

  The winter sunshine floods in through the window, igniting the whole room with light. Still half asleep, I lift my head slightly and turn the pillow over so that I can catch the cold side. My head sinks back in to the plush bag of feathers like a knife slicing through meling butter.

  It’s at this time of the day I’m most relaxed. My whole body feels sensitive to every little sound, smell and touch despite still partially being in the land of nod.

  The sound of my own steady breathing and the busy world outside, the numbness of the cold night lingering on my toes which peak out from underneath the covers, the fresh cotton smell of the crisp white sheets and the feeling of Leo’s warm fingers delicately tracing figure eights on my back.

  There was no doubt about it; this was my favorite way to wake up in the morning.

  “Harmony?”

  His voice is a little croaky from having just woken up but it’s still soft and tender, just loud enough for me to hear.

  “Hmm?”

  I roll over into his arms and rest my head against his chest while he absentmindedly plays with my hair.

  My eyes are still closed but he knows I’m listening.

  “So, I know you said that you didn’t want any fuss made over your birthday tomorrow…”

  “Uh huh."

  “But I was just thinking… Well wouldn’t you maybe just want to have a small party or something?”

  I open my eyes and lean back slightly so I can take him in, his boyish smile, sleepy eyes and messy bed hair greet me.

  He’s got something planned; I can read him like a book.

  “So what you’re basically telling me is that you’ve invited everyone around to my place for a cozy little get together?”

  He looks away as though deep in thought and then turns back to me, wearing a cheeky grin.

  “Basically… yeah."

  “Leoooooo," I whine.

  He places his thumb and forefinger in the hollows of my cheeks and squishes them together, like a parent telling off its toddler for just having a tantrum.

  “Look, I know you don’t like surprises that’s why I’m telling you today instead of tomorrow and it’ll be small, I promise. Just a few friends, music, alcohol, cake and of course presents…”

  He releases his grip on my face carefully, cautiously awaiting my response.

  I frown and he simply stares back at me, pulling his ridiculous puppy dog face.

  “Harmony, it’s your birthday; we can’t let it pass without celebrating. You can have a lazy morning in bed then Mikey’s going to take you out shopping until you drop and by the time you get back home I’ll have the place looking like a palace and everyone will be there. You won’t have to lift a finger. All you need to do is sit back, relax and enjoy your 25th…”

  I didn’t like attention being centered on me at parties but when he put it like that it sounded like it might be quite fun. Why not, it is my birthday after all, why not let people make a fuss over me and enjoy my day, why not let my hair down and have fun for once.

  I look at him and smile.

  “Fine, but you’d better be getting me one good birthday present."

  True to his word, the following day I didn’t have to do anything.

  Leo brought me breakfast in bed. He’d cooked up my favorite; French toast fresh coffee and orange juice.

  It always went down a treat.

  He’d given me my birthday card, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and some other little presents. He said he was saving my main present for tonight.

  I got up in my own time, showered, and dressed and at around 3:00pm Mikey came to pick me up and we hit the shops, not leaving any designer store untouched.

  We headed back to Mikey’s place with our new purchases to get changed and chill out for a while before we went back to mine that evening.

  I found the perfect little black dress to wear whilst Mikey looked like he’d stepped straight out of a Hugo Boss ad in his casual new suit.

  He looked dashing.

  If he didn’t bat for the other team then I’d definitely have tried it on with him.

  It’s a cold, crisp night, the light breeze gently blows the hair out of my face as Mikey and I walk arm in arm, casually back to my apartment.

  When the lift reaches my floor and the doors open, I can already hear the music and chatter from my apartment.

  I’m surprised one of the neighbors hadn’t complained.

  Mikey takes my hand and opens my apartment door.

  Small party my tuckus. For every face I know there’s at least another one I don’t.

  As Mikey and I step into the hallway, the whole room turns around and starts cheering. People come up and hug me, greeting me with a mixture of ‘Happy Birthday’, ‘Surprise!’, ‘Harmony’, and ‘Woo’.

  I have to admit though; I’m pretty taken aback by the amount of effort that’s gone into tonight. Everyone is dressed up and looking amazing, Leo pulled it off with the decorations, there’s balloons, banners and streamers everywhere. My birthday cake looks delicious, the whole dining room table is covered in presents and cases of beer stretch the length of the hallway. I was feeling pretty damn happy right now.

  Leo comes over and hands me some fruity little cocktail he’d concocted in the ki
tchen and I slowly make my way round the apartment, greeting everyone and chatting.

  It’s around 45 minutes before I even notice the tall, slender frame standing out on the balcony.

  Eager to see who it is, I finish up my conversation with some girlfriends and make my way out.

  It’s as though the years haven’t changed him one bit

  “Freddy?”

  He turns around abruptly, looking a little startled.

  I can’t articulate how glad I am to see him. He looks so well, his face glowing, his smile infectious. He was the polar opposite to how Trey was looking right now.

  “Oh, Harmony. Hey. Uhm, Happy Birthday!"

  I let out a little chuckle at him.

  We stand awkwardly for a while, neither of us knowing quite what to say to one another.

  “Ah, come here you”.

  He laughs at me and doesn’t hesitate to pull me into a big bear hug. God how I’ve missed those German bear hugs.

  “Aww, Freddy I’ve missed you so much”.

  “I’ve missed you too!”

  We stand there for a while, content with just being in each other’s presence again.

  Eventually we pull away from each other and we sit down.

  “So… You look well, how’ve you been?”

  “Yeah everything’s been ok, what about you? I was so sorry to hear about Juliet…”

  The very mention of her name sends a surge of pain jolting through my body. He can see how uncomfortable it is for me to talk about her and swiftly moves the conversation on.

  “Anyway, I hope you don’t mind me being here. I ran into… Leo? Is that his name? Earlier today, we got talking and he invited us round. He’s a pretty cool guy”.

  “Us?”

  “Yeah, Trey and me… Trey wasn’t really in the mood for a party tonight, Harmony, I’m sorry he didn’t come, he just wanted to stay in”.

  I can’t help the disappointment creep over my face. Was Trey really not in the mood for a party or did he just not want to see me?

  Freddy takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

  “He’s not been himself in a long time. I don’t know what’s gotten in to him”.

  There are a million things I want to ask Freddy, like why was Trey not himself? Where had they been the past four years? Why did they never get in touch with me?

  Freddy cups my face in his hands and looks intently into my eyes, as though he were looking into my soul and reading my thoughts.

  “How about we do coffee tomorrow, I’ll tell you everything you need to know?”

  “Yeah, I’d like that”.

  He smiles at me earnestly and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

  We sit out there for a while longer until I can’t wait any more and I have to ask him.

  “Freddy, do you think I could…”

  He interrupts me mid sentence as though he’s been waiting all night for me to ask him.

  “Yeah, I think he’d like to see you. I know it’s all been a bit confusing but he has missed you, Harmony, every day”.

  I get up and rub Freddy’s shoulder before making my way back inside the apartment and slipping out the front door as discreetly as I can.

  I was pleased, if not a little pissed off to learn that Trey had missed me. If he’d missed me so much why couldn’t he pick up the phone and call me? I would’ve come running in an instant.

  I make my way along the hall, straightening my dress and fiddling with my hair.

  When I get there, I take a deep breath and knock loudly on the door. There’s a short delay but eventually the door opens.

  Trey stands in the doorway looking a little surprised and a tad anxious. His short brown hair is a little messy; he’s got a black tight t-shirt on and the most hideous pair of blue sweat pants I’ve ever seen.

  He’s absolutely beautiful.

  Chapter Three

  “Hi Trey. Do you mind if I come in for a little while?”

  He looks at me closely, his eyes probing me and analyzing my every movement.

  When he’s convinced it’s safe to let me in, he hesitantly steps aside and lets me pass through into the hallway.

  His apartment is pretty similar to mine; only his is far messier. Clothes are strewn across the floor, empty pizza boxes and beer bottles clutter the large coffee table in the middle of the living room and the air is stale from cigarette smoke.

  It was a typical bachelor pad, although I was sure this wasn’t Freddy’s mess.

  As I made my way over to one of the leather sofas, I couldn’t help but look for signs of Miranda. Was she Trey’s steady girlfriend or just…sleeping with him? She certainly didn’t look like girlfriend material to me but then, she did seem awfully possessive of Trey. I suppose in due course I’d find out.

  I sit down on the sofa and Trey moves over and takes a seat on the other one directly opposite me.

  He was such a mess, so many different personalities all rolled in to one body, I wondered how he managed to contain them all. That night at the club he was fierce, dangerous, formidable and intimidating, then for the briefest of moments I would see the old Trey in him but right now he looked broken, weak, vulnerable, a mere shadow of his former self.

  It was heart wrenching to watch but I had absolutely no sympathy for him if this fall from grace had occurred purely because the band had split up and the fame and media abandoned him. My sister had died, I’d been to hell and back, that was a real reason to turn my back on God, life, and everything…. not because you’re no longer on the front cover of magazines any more.

  He leans back into the sofa and stares out the window, as though in some sort of trance, completely ignoring my presence here.

  “Trey…?”

  He doesn’t respond.

  “TREY!”

  His head shoots round. Now I’ve got his attention.

  “Dang, Trey, look at you…”

  “What?!”

  His eyes narrow and that same ‘dark’ Trey from the club returned. He had this defiant ‘screw you’ attitude. The tone of his voice was daring me to push his buttons, daring me to provoke him and then deal with whatever beast I’d un-caged. It was like he wanted to have an argument, to fight with me and shout me down.

  He was aggressive; there was a hunger deep within him. I suddenly felt like a lamb to the slaughter.

  But this was Trey we’re talking about. I could hold my ground with him… I had to.

  “You’re a wreck, Trey; a complete mess… look at the state of you!”

  “Oh, I’m a mess? Because the last time I checked, Harmony, you weren’t doing too good yourself!”

  “Yeah, well at least I didn’t project my troubles on to anyone else, have you even stopped once to think about what you’ve done to Freddy? What you’ve put him through with your vast carelessness? The poor guy’s been worried sick and you don’t even care! You’re a selfish jerk, Trey, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Freddy was your brother, he’d probably have abandoned you along with everyone else!”

  I could hear the venom in my voice as I spat the words out at him unrelentingly.

  Trey wasn’t the only one with a troubled dark side.

  He looks at me, almost in disbelief of what I’d just said. I’d obviously hit a nerve.

  It was probably a little harsh but it was true, well except the last bit, I knew Freddy would never leave Trey.

  All the same, I’m stunned and a little disgusted at my own callousness. It was a side to me that even Trey hadn’t seen. I think it would be best if I left him alone, I should never have come round in the first place, whatever happened to keeping ‘a safe distance’ from one another? I felt terrible for the things I’d said, and guilty. I wasn’t raised that way.

  I stand up and hastily bolt towards the door; I needed to get out of there as quickly as I could but before I can even turn the door handle, his cold fingers wrap around my wrist, his nails digging in to my veins painfully.

  He takes a firm hold
on me and shoves me up against the wall, my head banging against it achingly as I collide with it. He’s got me pinned. No escape.

  Trey had never once laid a finger on me and all of a sudden I’m struck with such savage brutality. Did he hate me that much?

  It was hard not to tremble a little beneath him; he was so much taller than me, so much stronger…

  “Why? Why do you care, Harmony? What has my life got to do with you now, anyway? You gave up the right to care about me when you walked out on me!”

  I wanted to remind him that I didn’t walk out on him. Our break up was a mutual agreement. We both decided that we couldn’t follow our dreams and pursue such demanding careers whilst we were together. It might have been instigated more on my part but he told me he understood - he had no right to make me out to be the villain.