Finding Harmony Read online

  “You’re a cool little guy; you need a cool name… What about… Logan?”

  He doesn’t respond.

  “Samson?”

  Nothing.

  “Indi?”

  He yelps out a tiny woof. Bingo.

  “Indi it is then”.

  This was by no means a brilliant Christmas but it could always be worse. Juliet and I used to have a tradition on Christmas Eve; we’d sit in a room lit only by the Christmas lights and remember, no matter how bad a year it had been, that our blessings outnumbered the lights.

  It had been a terrible year for me but despite everything, I still had a lot of things to be thankful for; I had a nice roof over my head, my fridge was filled with food, I was in good health, I had money in the bank, I had Freddy and now, I even had little Indi. Things could always be much worse.

  The heat radiating off the fire is making me sleepy. Time for bed. I switch the TV off and make my way to the bedroom, little Indi trailing after me. I pick him up and lay him down on the big bed where he wanders around a bit, unsure of his new surroundings, before curling up into a ball on the end of the bed and falling asleep.

  He was so cute. I think I’ve made a friend for life.

  I nip out of the bedroom quietly to lock the front door. As I get closer I can hear frantic voices from outside. I should’ve gone back to bed but the harsh tones of his German dialect only made me more curious. I pressed an ear up against the door, desperately trying to hear the words being exchanged. The male voice was a little high pitched, meaning it was Trey, not Freddy. And the female voice had that unmistakable screech to it that just went straight through you: Miranda.

  “Miranda, don’t leave, I’m sorry”.

  “Well you should’ve thought about that before you said her name!”

  “Look I didn’t mean to, it was a slip of the tongue”.

  “A slip of the tongue? You screamed HER name whilst I was with you! That’s not a slip of the tongue, Trey!”

  What? Whose name did he scream?

  “You’re more delusional than I thought if you think your precious little Harmony will want anything to do with you once she finds about your filthy addiction…"

  He screamed my name? What the hell was she talking about? Trey’s addiction?

  “And what’s more, Baby boy, you’re more ignorant than I thought if you haven’t already found out about hers…”

  “What are you talking about, you don’t even know her!”

  “Yeah well by the sound of things neither do you! Word is, when she ditched you, Trey, she became quite the coke whore I hear, and then there’s the men… Your little Harmony gets around; she could give me a run for my money”.

  I had half the mind to go out there right now and slap her, but on what grounds? Telling the truth? She’d just outed me to Trey. It was a past, a side to me I wasn’t proud of, a side I’d have rather kept secret from Trey and now it was all out in the open.

  I was no different than Miranda. Everything was going to come out.

  I was up a creek without a paddle.

  Chapter Eight

  Her hand was ice cold as I held it in mine. I’d sat at her bedside all night, not once did I take my eyes off her. Wires and tubes and everything else were shoved into her body, keeping her alive. Her skin was as white as snow, her thick blonde hair gently caressing her delicate face. Every so often her eyelids would flutter but nothing ever became of it. I prayed and prayed all night for some kind of miracle. She was so young; she couldn’t leave me, not yet. I wasn’t ready to let go of her, I still needed her.

  “Harmony?”

  Her voice was croaky and weak, barely even audible. She tried to move her head towards me but I held her still.

  “Ssssh, sweetie. Just sleep, everything’s going to be ok, I won’t let anything happen to you”.

  The hot tears flood down from eyes, my stomach twisting up into knots as I watch over the angel in the bed beside me.

  “Harmony…”

  I try to keep her silent, I knew the end was near, but she wasn’t having it, she was determined to speak.

  “Let nothing… disturb you, let… nothing… frighten you…”

  The machine on the other side of her bed starts to beep noisily; her chest falls flat as does the line on the machine.

  “NURSE, HELP! Someone help me! No, don’t die on me Jules, I need you, please don’t leave me!”

  The nurses and doctors come flooding into the room and crowd around her bed, they’re talking frantically in some kind of medical jargon which I can’t understand.

  A young woman escorts me out of the room, trying to reassure me but I knew she was gone. I knew this was the curtain call.

  I sit down on the bench out in the hall, my knees clattering together, my lips trembling, and my whole body shaking.

  The doctor emerges from the room. He didn’t need to say anything; the look on his face said it all.

  “I’m so sorry, Miss Lindstrom, we did everything we could…”

  ***

  I wake up in a panic, my breathing out of sync and my pillow soaked through from cold sweat. They weren’t just dreams anymore; they were visions; as clear and as real as if you were there in the flesh. Juliet’s final moments, her dying words still haunted me every night. Losing her is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I’d give up everything just for one last moment with her, just to share one last hug with my big sister.

  That was the day I had walked away from God, the God who could abandon me like that in my hour of need. But, like Trey, He had stayed in the back of my head, nudging me ever so often… like when Trey and I were making out.

  My heart twisted. I just felt so lost and confused lately. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing with my life, and I missed Juliet with all my heart.

  I look over to the small clock on my bedside table: 10:00am.

  “Well… Merry Christmas, Indi”.

  The ball of fluff at the end of the bed uncurls and lifts his head up at hearing his name before repositioning himself and going back to sleep.

  “Merry Christmas indeed…”

  Christmas. I was brought up believing it was the day of His birth. But you can’t go home after leaving, right? Isn’t that something I had learned?

  Without warning, tears began to flow in my eyes. I missed Juliet, and I missed my relationship with my Father. No wonder I felt so alone all of the time. I didn’t have all the answers, I really didn’t. But… at least from what I was told… Someone did.

  “G…God?” I said, out loud. Indi raised his head and looked at me. I ignored him, tears streaming down my face.

  “I don’t know what to do, God,” I said. “We don’t talk any more but… We used to be really close. I don’t know what this is…” I raised my hands, not sure if I was praying or just talking. “But there’s something important I have to say. I…” I took a deep breath. “I forgive You. For what happened to Juliet.”

  Peace filled me, so immediately that I gasped. Indi sat up and came over to my lap. “I uh… I know I’m not the One supposed to do the forgiving…” I said awkwardly… and then I hushed. Nothing more needed to be said. I just felt it. That everything was going to be okay. And that He understood.

  I had a LOT to work on, moving forward. Old habits are hard to break. But I also knew that I wanted to try, more than I ever had in my life. Determined, and happy, I grabbed Indi and left the room.

  There were lots of presents underneath the tree in the living area; presents I’d bought for Leo, presents he’d bought for me and some others from friends. I wasn’t in the mood for presents. Today, Christmas meant a little bit more to me than presents.

  I started off with a breakfast of cigarettes and champagne. I wasn’t celebrating anything; I just figured that if I wanted the day to be over quickly then I better kick off with the drink as soon as possible.

  There’s a loud knocking on the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I make my way over slowly and op
en up. Freddy was standing in the hall, a massive grin on his face and looking like he’d just rolled out of bed.

  “Merry Christmas!”

  He pulls me up in to a big bear hug, lifting my feet straight off the ground.

  “Freddy… can’t breathe”

  “Ooops, sorry”.

  He lets me go and places an arm around my shoulders to steady me whilst I catch my breath.

  “So, you want to come in?”

  We sit together on the sofa, talking aimlessly about the dog I’d just bought on impulse, to the presents Trey and Freddy had gotten each other, but then he asked the very question I was hoping he wouldn’t.

  “So, uhm would you maybe want to come over to ours for Christmas? You don’t have to if you don’t want to I was just thinking it would be better than sitting in here alone all day…”

  “That’s really thoughtful, but… I mean wouldn’t it be a bit awkward?”

  “To be honest, Harmony, I’d really appreciate your company, Trey’s driving me insane right now”.

  I really felt sorry for Freddy. I’d bet my fortune that he probably wished he was at home in Germany right now with Simone and Gordon and the rest of his family.

  “Ok, give me an hour or two and I’ll be straight over, oh and I’ll have to bring the dog, I hope you don’t mind?”

  His face lights up a treat. This was a ‘Kodak moment’ right here.

  “Great, I’ll see you in a bit”.

  As soon as Freddy leaves, I jump in the shower and start to get ready. The peace I’d found earlier is still coursing through me, and I sing an old hymn I know in the shower.

  I blow dry and straighten my hair, spend ages making sure my make-up is just right, and then trade in my dressing gown and slippers for a black Herve Leger mini dress and a pair of gold Miu Miu platforms. This was an outfit made for turning heads.

  I grab a bottle of champagne from the fridge, my mother always said it was rude to turn up empty handed, and then make my way along to their apartment with Indi trailing shyly behind me.

  Thankfully, Freddy opens the door and lets us in. Their apartment was still a little messy but you could see some effort had been made to clean the place up. A sorry excuse for a tree stood in the corner of the living room, bare except for some lights draped carelessly around it.

  The argument I’d overheard last night was still playing on my mind. Was Trey doing drugs? I guiltily looked for any signs to prove my theory correct as Freddy fetched me a drink but there was nothing.

  A door opens along the hall and Trey comes stumbling out. Immediately Indi runs over and starts barking at him.

  “Indi!”

  He stops barking and reluctantly comes back and lies down at my feet.

  Trey stands there a while, just staring at me and the dog lounging in his apartment, clearly Freddy hadn’t told him we were coming.

  Thankfully Freddy comes back to the living area with the drinks. He hands me a glass of red wine before Trey takes him aside. They’re talking to each other in hushed voices; I can’t really make out what they’re saying. I hope it’s not about me, if Trey didn’t want me here then I had no problem leaving…

  I hear my name being mentioned and instinctively turn around; Trey shoots me an intimidating glare before finishing his conversation with Freddy and disappearing out the front door.

  Freddy takes in a deep breath and comes over to sit beside me.

  “What was all that about?”

  “It’s nothing”.

  I take his hand in mine.

  “Freddy, please?”

  He looks down into my pleading eyes and gives in.

  “He’s gone to some party with Miranda…”

  “What and just left you here?”

  I could feel my blood boiling; did Trey not have any consideration for his own brother? The more I was beginning to learn about Trey, the less I liked him. That peace I felt earlier withered a little.

  “Its fine, Harmony, I guess it’ll just be me and you for Christmas”.

  “No”.

  “Huh?”

  “No, Freddy, we’re going to this party too, why should Trey be the only one allowed to have a good time”.

  “Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean with Miranda and-“

  “Awh, Freddy, to hell with Miranda! I barely even know the woman and I’m sick to my stomach of her… Come on, me and you can still have a good time, and if it all turns pear-shaped you can blame it on me…”

  He sits back in the sofa, pondering over my offer. I try an attempt at my best ‘puppy-dog eyes’ look and the corners of his mouth pull up into a sly smile.

  “Right, you’re on, let’s go!”

  A little old lady and her husband who live a couple doors down graciously agreed to look after Indi for a few hours whilst Freddy and I headed out in hot pursuit of Trey.

  It didn’t really feel like Christmas day, following Trey and crashing a party with a bunch of people who neither me nor Freddy really knew, but hell it was definitely exciting!

  Freddy had a rough idea of where the house was we were headed to however once we got out the cab we still had to walk around for ages to find it. It was absolutely freezing outside; my bare legs were clattering together as we walked the empty slush covered streets trying to find the damn house. These heels weren’t made for walking in at the best of times but they certainly weren’t made for walking long distances along the slippery sidewalk. It was a death trap out here.

  Despite everything, I felt good today. For the first time in months I wasn’t just Harmony, I was Harmony Lindstrom: Movie star, again. It felt good, like I’d been in hibernation for the past year and was just waking up. Some people view the whole make-up, clothes and stage persona as a masquerade but it was the opposite for me. The dolled up version of myself was the real me and, damn, it felt good to be back.

  I lost count of how many times Freddy had to steady me as the ground beneath my pretty shoes gave way, sending me off balance and nearly landing me on my rear.

  I didn’t really know what to expect from this party. The area of town we were in looked a little too upmarket for Miranda to belong in. I highly doubted this party would be filled with her friends. Maybe Trey had just brought her along as a guest? Either way, we’d soon find out.

  The houses in this neighborhood were amazing. Glorious and immaculately decorated Christmas trees sat at the front of nearly all the big bay shaped windows and the drives were all occupied with gorgeous cars: Ferrari’s, Audi’s, Lamborghini’s, Porsche’s… No, Miranda definitely didn’t belong here, but I did, this was the sort of lifestyle that I was accustomed to. It almost felt like I had the upper hand on her, like I was more experienced and clued up on this whole social scene than she was.

  Eventually, we come across a house which Freddy seems to think is ‘the one’. Well, it had to be, we walked for what felt like miles and this was the only house that was absolutely jumping and resembled anything like a party taking place within its ornate walls.

  We entered through the large steel gates and walked up the driveway towards the house. When we reached the massive oak door, Freddy grabbed my hand, gave me a reassuring smile and led me inside the house.

  Directly opposite the front door was a huge marble staircase, decorated with hundreds of fairy lights all wrapped around the railings. A Christmas tree as tall as the house stood in the middle of the reception area, mountains of gold and silver decorations adorning its branches. This truly was grand.

  The music was blaring out from the speakers and the house itself was just a sea of bodies as far as the eye could see. I didn’t recognize many people, there were a couple of girls who looked familiar but I wasn’t entirely sure. Freddy takes my coat and dumps it in a small cupboard next to everyone else’s.

  The people here seemed to be a very mixed crowd. There were a lot of people who looked really wealthy and whose whole images just screamed money, while others looked, dare I say it, a tad common.

/>   Freddy, still gripping on to my hand firmly, leads us through to a large lounge. Everyone kept staring at us as we walked past them. Were we not welcome here? Did I have something on my face? Or did the image of Harmony Lindstrom and Freddy Frett holding hands simply send out the wrong impression? I was beginning to think it was the latter as their stares soon turned into smiles once Freddy started greeting people and getting us acquainted.

  Freddy started searching for Trey through the crowd but Miranda got to us first.