Finding Harmony Read online

  He laughs, pulling me into him.

  “Baby, whatever you believe is okay with me. I don’t know a lot about the Big Guy in the Sky, but if it makes you feel good, then I support it.”

  Relief floods through me. “Really?”

  Trey kisses my forhead. “Really.”

  I pause again. Possibilities are racing through my head. “Hey… Trey?”

  “What do you want to know, sugar?”

  “Do you think we could move away from here? I mean just pack our stuff and go, start our lives all over again?”

  He looks at me seriously, cupping my face in his hands.

  “I think I’d like that, very much.”

  ***

  “Freddy… it’s your turn…”

  I change into yet another uncomfortable position on the sofa for the umpteenth time that night, waiting for Freddy to get up and tend to Trey.

  The groans and cries from Trey’s room intensifying with each passing moment.

  The great big lug at the other end of the sofa tosses and turns before answering back.

  “Hmmph, no I did it last time, it’s your turn.”

  “But you’re closer, just go.”

  “No, you.”

  I wait a while longer until it’s obvious that Freddy isn’t budging. Fine, I suppose I’ll have to go… yet again.

  I get up slowly from the sofa and make my way across the dark room and down the hall towards Trey’s bedroom, trying to avoid the death traps of shoes and beer bottles scattered all over the floor.

  I open the door to Trey’s room cautiously, unsure of what sate I’ll find him in. Tonight, like most nights before, he’s lying on the floor, his body convulsing. Without hesitation I run to him, kneeling on the floor beside him and pulling him into me. I can feel the cold sweat which has saturated his body as I sweep his dreads and a few loose strands of hair away from his face.

  Trey was on lockdown. Freddy and I had been taking turns at watching over him as often as we could. We were determined to get Trey off the drugs once and for all. I thought I’d be able to help him get through it, easy; after all, I’d gone through this whole process myself. And yet, seeing the person you love in so much pain was becoming unbearable

  He clung on to my body violently, nearly tearing shreds out of my skin. I would’ve yelped out at the pain he was inadvertently inflicting on me, only I knew that what he was going through was a hell of a lot worse.

  He was murmuring a load of nonsense, his whole body shaking, the sweat from his face and the tears streaming from his eyes wetting right through my top.

  “I-I need mo-more… I-I can’t do i-it.”

  This was the reason I didn’t want children. I’d be one of those parents who ended up over-feeding their kids because they just couldn’t say ‘No’. But I had to say ‘No’ to Trey, no matter how hard he pleaded. I wasn’t going to give in. No methadone or any other kind of drugs to wean him off the ones he was already on. We were doing this hard way whether he liked it or not. Cold Turkey.

  “C’mon, we need to get you into bed.”

  It was a struggle just to get him off the floor when his own two legs couldn’t even support him. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and with every ounce of strength in me, pulled him up off the floor and laid him into his bed.

  Once I made sure that he was wrapped up tighter than an Egyptian Mummy, I went and fetched him plenty glasses of cold water and damp cloths to help ease off all the sweating.

  “I’m go-going t-to die, Harmony.”

  I held is face in my hands, gently wiping away the tears beneath his red-rimmed eyes. He was so weak right now, so vulnerable. His eyes were dark and heavy, his pale skin verging on translucent, giving way to the intricate maze of veins that stretched out around his frail body.

  “No, Trey, you’re not going to die, I wouldn’t let that happen to you. Besides, you’re stronger than that; I know that you can do it.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair until his eyes finally closed and he momentarily drifted off to sleep.

  I’d be glad when this whole ordeal was over with. Freddy and I had decided that as soon as Trey was better, we were taking him back home to Germany. Neither of us wanted to spend any more time in this wretched hell hole than was required.

  The first few days were the hardest. Trey was in so much pain and between Freddy and I, we barely ever left his side. We were all exhausted; I suggested just taking him to rehab but Trey was adamant that he didn’t want to go.

  The whole process of getting Trey cleaned up was tiring but the end result of all the blood, sweat and tears would be well worth it. As soon as Trey managed to clean up his act, every trace of Miranda who had managed to worm her way into his system with her empty promises and drugs would be gone. He’d no longer be dependent on her. He’d be mine and only mine.

  I don’t know what the future has in store for Trey and me. Will we live together in Germany and finally have our ‘happily ever after’? All I know is that I’m determined not to mess things up this time around. My priorities have changed a lot over the years. I don’t crave the fame anymore; I’m not addicted to it like I used to be. Instead I’ve found a new addiction: Trey. I think anywhere could be home when I’m with Trey, I lost him once and I’m going to make sure it never happens again. I’m going to make him realize that he can’t live without me.

  The first few weeks were the hardest, as they are with any recovering drug addict, but Trey was making quick progress. Freddy and I found that we didn’t have to watch him like a hawk all day long any more, which I was glad about as it meant I could finally get a decent night’s sleep. Before we knew it, Trey was back to his old self. I can’t begin to describe how relieved I am to have him back.

  His withdrawal symptoms became less and less each day, something I was ecstatic about as it meant Trey wasn’t in as much pain. I knew Trey was stronger than he looked but I had to admit, I was a little surprised at how quickly he had managed to turn things around. It was really quite remarkable.

  We filled up our days with trips to the coffee shop, we went shopping an awful lot, took Indi out for long walks and when it was too cold to venture outside we remained wrapped up in doors watching movies or playing games.

  It was a nice mellow way to spend the day. We were all so much more relaxed than we had been in what felt like forever. It also became apparent that the twins were getting along like old times again, something I was positive both of them were relieved at. I suppose, in a way, when Trey deteriorated down the deceitful path of drugs, to an extent, Freddy had kind of lost his brother.

  It didn’t take a genius to work out how happy Freddy was to have his little brother back again. Freddy might play the big tough guy but underneath it all, he needs Trey just as much as Trey needs him.

  It was now late January. I was cuddled up into Trey on the sofa in his apartment watching some movie on TV. For a skinny dude he’s extremely cuddly, I could spend the rest of my life lying all snuggled up to Trey.

  I fiddled around in my pockets for a cigarette but couldn’t seem to find my lighter.

  “Shoot.”

  “What is it, sweetie?”

  “Do you have a lighter I could use, I can’t find mine?”

  “Sure, there should be one in my bag, it’s in the bedroom just go and help yourself.”

  “Thank you.”

  Before getting up I softly planted my lips against his, feeling him smile into the kiss as I deepened it, running my fingers through his dreaded hair. Our mouths opened slightly, my tongue searching for the little metal ball in his mouth that I loved so much. I could hear him moan gently, making me chuckle. I loved how easily turned on Trey was.

  “You taste so good, baby.”

  I smiled to myself before pulling away from him and getting up to find this lighter.

  “Nooo, come back!” He whined.

  “Haha, sorry doll face.”

  “You’re such a tease, Harmony.”
r />   “I know, don’t you love it?” I smiled innocently at him.

  His face formed into a little pout but I could see the excitement tugging at the corners of his mouth.

  I slipped away into the bedroom, leaving him wanting more whilst I searched for his bag.

  I spotted the big black bag in the corner of his room. There were so many of his belongings that I’d love to shove up my shirt and run out the door with.

  I grabbed the bag and took it over to his bed where I began to rummage through it for the lighter, desperately needing to have my smoke. He had so much stuff in this bag, now I know why he always needed his bags to be so big.

  “i-pod…”

  “Phone…”

  “Keys…

  “Cocaine…”

  “Lighter! Aha, Bingo!”

  Wait a minute, Cocaine? What the…?! I pulled out the little baggie from one of the zipped compartments in his bag, staring at it intensely. What is Trey doing with this in his bag? The little bag was half empty. I could feel my heart start to race and my lips tremble as I clutched the angel dust in my fist. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  How could Trey do this to me?! How could he do it to himself?!

  He had some serious explaining to do.

  Chapter Eleven

  I throw the half empty bag of cocaine onto Trey’s bed in utter disgust. What was he playing at? Whilst Freddy and I were giving Trey our undivided attention morning, noon and night, trying to help him, he was just doing this behind our backs?

  Suddenly I found myself placing two and two together. Of course! Everything made sense now, the puzzle was complete. This was the reason Trey had made such a ‘speedy recovery’ because he never really got off the drugs, the coke helped keep his withdrawal symptoms under wraps, and kept Freddy and I blinded by the illusion that Trey was actually getting his act together.

  I could feel my blood boiling as it flooded through my pulsing veins, engulfing my body in heat, a fire erupting deep within me. My fists balled up so tightly in anger that my nails start to penetrate the skin on my palms.

  “Harmony, did you find the lighter?” Trey calls cheerfully from the living room, completely oblivious to what I’ve just discovered.

  I take a moment to steady my breathing before replying.

  “Yeah”, I call back, desperately trying to mask the emotion in my voice.

  I stay in the bedroom a while longer, trying to collect myself before heading back out. As I enter the living room Trey looks up at me lovingly from his sprawled out position on the sofa, a mischievous grin displayed across his face. His eyes stare into mine adoringly, beckoning me back over to his side. This perfect image of him, all angel-like and beautiful only makes me hurt even more.

  How did I know that he wasn’t seeing Miranda? What if this was all just some big game to Trey? What if he never intended on moving away with me?

  I want to run over to him and slap him silly, to tell him what a jerk he is, to demand a reasonable explanation as to why he is wasting his life away and why he doesn’t care about everything Freddy and I have done for him. But I can’t. I feel like I’ve wasted too many of my emotions on him. I can’t cry out at him, I can’t scream, I can’t yell. The anger that had taken hold of me only moments ago now disappears completely. As I stare at the man who has his hands wrapped firmly around my heart, the only thing I feel is disappointment.

  I’m disappointed at Trey for not being man enough to get himself together but I’m even more disappointed in myself for ever believing that he could change, forever thinking that I could change him.

  “Baby, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, sweetie is everything alright?”

  No, everything’s not alright. I’ve just discovered what a lying scumbag my boyfriend is and to tell you the truth I feel sick to my stomach. But of course I lie. I do to Trey what I do to everyone who hurts me. I lock them out and get as far away from them as possible.

  “I’m fine, I just have a headache. I’m going to go back to my place and lie down for a bit.”

  I walk towards to door, not looking at him once as I go.

  “Okay, if you need anything I’m right-“

  I walk out and slam the door behind me before giving him the chance to finish. I don’t go back to my apartment. Instead, I head outside into the freezing cold streets. The wind whips my hair vehemently against my face while the cold wraps itself around my small frame. I didn’t care, I just carry on walking. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know that I can’t be anywhere near Trey right now.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Okay, if you need anything I’m right-“

  The door slams, cutting me off mid sentence. Something’s wrong, something’s very, very wrong. I know my own girlfriend well enough to tell when she’s lying.

  I scramble to my feet and bolt towards the door, pressing my ear firmly against it, waiting for the sound of her apartment door opening but it never comes.

  What happened? Why is she upset?

  Everything was going great, I don’t understand.

  Think, Trey, think.

  I walk through to my bedroom, rubbing my temples in frustration, trying to figure out what could’ve happened. And there it is. The answer is staring me right in the face, literally. One little bag of cocaine lying in the centre of my bed.

  Oh no. No, she’s got this all wrong. I know how this scene must look but it’s not what she thinks, I can explain.

  In no time, I’ve pulled on my boots, grabbed my jacket and ran out the apartment after her. When I reach the street outside, the cold takes me by surprise but I don’t stop. I scan the busy streets, desperately trying to find her but it’s like searching for a needle in a haystack.

  I’ve got to find her. I’ve got to make things better. I need her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  After walking the streets for who knows how long I wind up at some shady bar downtown. It’s funny how my mind always turns to drink in times like these.

  A small group of men are all huddled outside of the bar having a smoke. They eye me up and down before making sleazy remarks at me, I ignore their wolf whistles and jeers as I make my way into the bar, nearly gagging on their repugnant smell as I walk past them.

  The bar is filled with guilty looking people, all eyeing me suspiciously as I head straight towards the bar and take seat, ordering myself a stack of shots.

  The first shot burns immensely as the liquid slides down my throat, leaving a bitter aftertaste in my mouth but I keep going, trying to fire the shots down as quickly as I can. I need an escape, I need to forget, and I need to get completely and utterly wasted.

  I’m only half way through my shots when a voice I know all too well interrupts my drinking.

  “Well, well, well, look what we have here.”

  I spin around on the bar stool to be greeted by a slutty tramp. Miranda.

  “You know, Harmony, I thought you would’ve known better than to show up in my part of town after that stunt you pulled the last time we met.”

  I look at her wearily, the alcohol starting to set in a little now.

  “What do you want, Miranda?”

  She cackles wickedly, all the time edging closer to me. Two girls come to stand behind her, while a grubby looking guy moves over to my left side. He’s a little too close for comfort, his stale breath hitting off my neck. I steal glances at Miranda’s ‘friends’ and she lets out yet another hideous laugh.

  “Aww, what’s the matter Harmony? You’re not so brave now that you don’t have Freddy or lover boy here to protect you, are you?”

  I’m not in the mood for her, especially not now.

  “I really couldn’t give a damn about you.” I snarl at her but she only takes pleasure from the venomous words I spit at her.

  She leans in closer to me, her mouth just inches from my ear.

  “Trey owes me for his last few hits and I will get my payment, Harmony… Too bad for you that you’re my key to t
his payment.”

  She grins callously at me and I try to react but what happens next throws me off guard.

  The tall grubby man next to me wraps himself around me, one of his hands covering my mouth to stop me screaming out while the other restrains my arms by my sides. I start to panic when I feel a sharp pain shooting up my right arm. I look down to see Miranda holding a needle in my arm, depositing a clear substance into my bloodstream. I look at her cruel face one last time before my vision starts to fade, everything becoming dark.